Well, Bruce, even for a trained canine
psychotherapist such as myself, this is in one sense an impossible question to
answer. The reason being – I am not a dog. I do not have canine critical
faculties and can offer no comment on the content of DOGTV.
My research reveals that an Israeli
company has started a subscription channel for dogs. They say that ‘DOGTV provides television
for dogs with three types of programming offering relaxing and stimulating
content as well as positive behavioral reinforcements.’ I understand that
whilst you might be attracted to this idea, Satan has decreed that there is
enough brainless TV already available and too much of it is currently watched
in your household. I believe he may be referring to The Mommy’s addiction to
‘Homes Under The Hammer’ and ‘Come Dine With Me’.
Satan furthermore does not believe that ‘dogs that are
left alone tend to become anxious so the calming sounds and music in the
relaxing segments on DOGTV were created to keep them peaceful.’ The reason
being that he can hear the sound of your snoring coming from inside the house
when he pulls into the driveway.
Satan is also incensed by DOGTV’s assertion that ‘many
dogs also suffer from a lack of stimulation, which becomes acute when their
parents are away’. He questioned the use of the word ‘parent’ very forcefully
to me when we discussed your original query. He is of the opinion that people
who ascribe human parentage to dogs are sick in the head.
As ever The Mommy took your part when we discussed the
possibility of a subscription. She was sympathetic to DOGTV’s belief that ‘The
stimulating segments provide dogs with invigorating images, animation and
exciting real world sounds to keep them up and running.’ It was then pointed
out to her that the only stimulation that had ever kept you ‘up and running’
was the sound of your food being prepared.
Satan won’t allow you to subscribe to
DOGTV because he says the last thing he needs is you ‘up and running’ in front
of the television. There is enough commotion when Chelsea are on.
