Why won’t Satan let me go to Church?

Bruce, I think the name gives it away. However, you are due a more detailed response…..

I am given to understand that Satan’s interdiction comes about because you have been invited to an Anglican Cathedral, together with the Mommy, to see Murphy’s owner become a canon. Murphy himself has boycotted the ceremony because he is a Papist dog. As a French bulldog Satan reckons you should show some solidarity. This is all the information I have been able to gather about this particular satanic interdiction.

There are wider ramifications to your question, however, that we should explore for your peace of mind.

Churches in general are not places that are particularly well equipped to deal with dogs. You would find that there was a very limited supply of tuna and dog biscuit available. They are often cold and draughty, and most of the time there are very few people there for you play with. Those people that do have occasion to gather in churches are admittedly often tolerant of animals, thanks to the teaching of St. Francis. They would regard you as one of God’s creatures, a view not fully shared by Satan. They might be less tolerant of you lying on your back snoring. Spare a thought that your instant ability to do this might provoke the sin of Envy at times of tedium.

Then there is the question of religious faith.  Satan is firmly of the opinion that, with few exceptions, religious people give a bad example to dogs. They have to be restrained from snapping at each other. They mill about in a general tussle for supremacy. They often bark on pointlessly, in love with the sound they make.

In your present circumstances you have no need to develop a religious faith. The Mommy and Satan, through the operation of Grace, look after your every need. You live a life of ease in an earthly Eden where any intervention by Satan is purely for your own good.