Why has my butt turned grey?

I gather you are concerned about the effects of ageing, Bruce. Apparently it is your fourth birthday. You may also have picked up some static because this week Satan approaches the point whereby he can pick up his pension. This is seen as a cause for celebration, although his butt turned grey a long time ago.

There is a view, generally accepted, that with age comes greater wisdom. This would in your case reveal itself by a growing realisation, for example, that there is no need for a panic attack when the Mommy leaves the room, or goes upstairs or down the garden – because you understand she will return. Unfortunately my observation of your behaviour - battering at locked bathroom doors, racing down the garden when she has gone upstairs, trotting animatedly from room to room in mounting desperation - leads me to believe that wisdom continues to elude you.

Difficult as it may seem, I urge you to try to emulate Satan’s attitude to the absence of the Mommy. He often has no idea where she has gone, having not paid attention to information given. However he is relaxed, confident in the knowledge that she will appear come suppertime.

So your butt turning grey should not worry you, life will continue for you essentially unaltered. Your routine of sleeping and eating, interspersed with panic attacks, is really very commonplace. You may not have noticed but it is a lifestyle shared in your household by both the Mommy and Satan. In the former case when occasion demands that she goes out to work, in the latter case when car keys or scissors do not come immediately to hand.