Can I get a British Passport?

Apparently you have been leading a relaxed and stress free life for the last few months, and have not needed a therapy session for some time. However all good things come to an end and here we are again.

You are getting agitated once again about identity issues. I understand you want to get a passport so you can go on holiday with The Mommy and Satan but are concerned that because you are a French Bulldog you are not entitled to a British passport. Furthermore even if you had one you are anxious that you would not be let back in the UK because you look French. You are worried that Satan calls you a migrant.

I think I can put your mind at rest on these issues. You are not a migrant. You are a dog. Dogs do not migrate. Some birds migrate but you are not a bird. You were born in Ferrybridge. Even if you think you do look French for the time being our Government is not preventing the French from coming to the UK. They would rather that Bulgarians and Romanians, many of whom speak French, don’t come here. Neither is that because the Bulgarians and Rumanians look French, although many of them do look French. It is because they are migrants.

A migrant can be defined in two ways. On the one hand migrants are in the main young people who come to work hard at jobs that no longer attract British people, for wages that certainly no longer attract British people. A whole lot of things wouldn’t work if it weren’t for migrants.

Whilst our Government quite likes the idea of people working for low wages, it is happy to scare all the dogs by promoting a second definition.

This is the view that migrants come to this country to lay around all day sleeping, getting fed and supported by British taxpayers. They require extensive and expensive medical treatment. They don’t speak English properly. They annoy British people and get under their feet. That is why Satan says that under this definition you look like a migrant to him. This is why he tells The Mommy that there is no chance of you going abroad.

It may be technically possible to get you a dog passport, but under current immigration rules The Mommy and Satan think it is too much of a risk. You don’t want to find yourself airside in a British airport. Back to the excellent kennels where they think you are ‘Superdog’. (see February blog)