What I don’t understand is…. why they shout loudly at me when they want me to come near them.

Bruce, you are not alone with this issue. It is puzzling and you are right to have raised it with me. Many, many dogs have indicated to me their struggle to understand this human phenomenon.

At the heart of the matter is the firm belief held by many humans, and your Satan in particular, that most dogs are a bit thick and slightly deaf. Thus they need to be spoken to in a tone and volume normally reserved for foreigners. In your case this is compounded by the fact that you are a French Bulldog, albeit from Ferrybridge.

The second crucial factor affecting this issue is the fact that you are owned. Your collar and lead are symbolic as well as practical devices. Whilst you can have no concept of this, you will come to understand that many dog owners still take the view that the behaviour of their dog reflects on them. Owners want their dogs to trust and obey. So, when you continue to nuzzle the fox pooh rather than join the walk alongside The Mommy and Satan, you have noticed a certain stridency in their calls and this has alarmed and perplexed you.

I draw your attention here to the way parents sometimes behave with their children. (Those are what the smaller humans in brighter clothes are called.) Things become particularly perplexing when trust and obedience are placed in diametric opposition. The call is often heard in West Yorkshire shopping malls “Maaarrk, come here while I twott you!”

It seems universal that the demands of governance require us to lick the boot that kicks us. Thus I counsel you to conduct a risk assessment balancing the likelihood of a whack on the snout against temporary liberty.