How come I get sent to live with dogs?

This question follows on from your previous enquiry, Bruce, and I see you are still puzzling over issues that touch on questions of identity and, in a wider sense, your place in the known universe. I understand you have recently spent some time away from your home. You found yourself in a setting where there were other dogs. These dogs were also spending time away from their homes. I also understand that you did not spend this time in the company of The Mommy or Satan. They were elsewhere.

The Mommy tells me that she believes you enjoy these periods of time in the company of other dogs. She wishes me strongly to convey to you that in no sense are you to see this period of time away from her as a punishment for any wrongdoing. Only humans imprison each other. The term she uses to describe these periods of time is ‘Holiday’. The Mommy is a great enthusiast for the concept of ‘Holiday’, and feels that a ‘Holiday’ should provide respite from the ardours of toil and her workaday treadmill of constant labour as represented by meetings and interminable telephone conversations. She is keen that you too should enjoy the benefits of 'Holiday'.

Satan however is of the opinion that, as your workaday treadmill consists almost entirely of sleeping and eating, ‘Holiday’ for you might best consist of a slightly more regimented existence with episodes of  strenuous exercise. I am sure he has your best interests at heart. He certainly feels that periods of time spent in the company of other dogs will help you understand more clearly your essential canine nature.

You need to understand that both The Mommy and Satan enjoy being elsewhere on ‘Holiday’. Satan is occasionally permitted, as Milton says, to ‘ boldly venture to whatever place, farthest from pain, where he might’st hope to change torment with ease, and soonest recompense dole with delight.’ The Mommy accompanies him on such excursions to moderate any excess of delight.

If time spent away in the company of other dogs is puzzling to you, take solace in such unconfined leaping for joy and expressions of delight that occur when you and The Mommy, reunited, return to hearth and home.