The Mommy and
Satan call the grey thing in the garden ‘a plastic washing up bowl’. Please
Bruce, don’t confuse yourself by trying to remember this. It is sufficient that
you just enjoy pushing it around and trying to bite it. It is important that
you have some ‘down time’ from your main tasks of eating and sleeping.
Apparently this is known as ‘chillaxing’
Many people
like to take time out of their strenuous routines by ‘chillaxing’. However this
can lead laughter and ridicule, rather like when the grey thing rears up and
whacks you on the snout. I have had a word with The Mommy and Satan about
laughing at you when this happens. It is not good for your self-esteem. There
are so many things in one’s life that are liable to rise up and smite one on
the snout, just when one thinks one has them under control. Little did the
smooth faced man think that the Leveson Enquiry was going to rise up and smite
him on the snout. It seemed such a good idea at the time. Anyway he keeps his
nuclear button trigger finger sharp by ‘chillaxing’ with Fruit Ninja. We all
sleep easier as a result.
One of the
things that perplexes The Mommy is that you continue to ignore the range of
plastic bones, stuffed teddy bears, pheasants, monkeys and balls of various
sizes that have been given you over time. The only time you chew your bone
loudly is when Satan is listening to soft music. You have indicated that you do
this just to annoy him, not out of any intrinsic need to chew.
My question
then, on which I would like you to reflect over the next few weeks, is whether
you feel totally fulfilled? Is there some useful activity to which you might
feel attracted, that in some small part would be seen as a contribution to the
economic crisis the country faces? Is there some element of the forthcoming
Diamond Jubilee that you feel you could sign up to? On reflection, chasing a
washing up bowl round the back garden may after all be an appropriate response to the current
situation. It prefigures the Olympics for sure.
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